i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
