If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
