oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
