I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
