I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
