It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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