i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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