my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
