If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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