Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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