If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
