I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
