I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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