There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
