I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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