I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
