dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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