So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
