it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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