i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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