we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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