Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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