All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
