that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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