I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
