If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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