i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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