Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
