I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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