smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize