No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
