Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
