I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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