Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
