You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
