i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
if i can run in heels then i can drive
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
