Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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