i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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