Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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