I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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