You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
