I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
