The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
