i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
