The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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