There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
