This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Operation Purity has been aborted
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
