its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
