did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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