You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
