This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
