I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i've created a new STD.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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