Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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