even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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