I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
