Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
