Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize