i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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