We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
