He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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