I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
