FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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