The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
