My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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