He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize