i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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