dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
