He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
