Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
