let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Randomize
