Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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