i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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