why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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