if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
