We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
