You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
