I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
