I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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