what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There r osticjed everywhere
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
