allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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