Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
