Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
