she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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