Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Screwed.edu
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
