I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
