I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
