I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
