Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
