I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
