You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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