I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
