I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
